One of my articles published in the Love Section of Starbuzz Magazine April 2006.. =)
Fairy tale romances usually go like Boy meets girl. Boy and Girl fall in love. Then what usually follows is the line, “and they live happily ever after.” But more often than not, there is another, more complicated side of the story. Boy meets Girl. Boy and Girl fall in love. Then, Boy meets another Girl who seems to be way cooler (or hotter, for that matter) than the other Girl or vice versa.
To always want more, is part of being human. Somehow, we are seldom contented or satisfied with what we have. Remember the saying that the “grass is always greener on the other side”? In some ways, the other side seems so tempting, evoking in us the desire to stray.
One article about infidelity explained it best. "Even if you're in a good relationship that offers you lots of X, if someone comes along who offers Y, you take the X for granted, and the Y starts to look really good."
Because we’ve been so accustomed to having the Xs around, we tend to forget its real value.
Oftentimes, the beginnings of infidelity may seem innocent. Many affairs started with a “just friends” status. They are people who are already threading on dangerous slopes without even realizing it. The thing becomes insidious.
Gradually and unnoticeably, their emotions change. They have already crossed the line from platonic friendship into romantic love before even noticing that there was a line. It has already put them in situations they originally didn’t intend to fall into.
And because they are overwhelmed and drawn by this new and exciting feeling, which is a far cry from the “routine” relationship with their partner, fantasy takes over. They begin to view this “other” person as someone who is sweeter, wittier and better.
Infidelity maybe brought about by a skewed perception of love. We sometimes have this misguided notion of an ideal relationship. We want our partners to be “everything we wish them to be”. And if they fail to meet our expectations, we begin to feel a little disillusioned about the connection.
However, we should bear in mind that there is no such thing as a perfect partner. Even we, ourselves aren’t perfect. Also, there is no relationship where ALL our needs will be met satisfactorily. When we are not that happy in our current relationship, it is wiser to evaluate ourselves first before evaluating our significant other, especially for those who are married already.
We should, every now and then, ask ourselves if we truly deserve our partners and vice versa. Can it be possible that we are just bored because everything seems predictable and familiar already? And we are attracted to another because of the “new relationship feel” that comes with it?
If we are looking for someone to be flirty with, perhaps, if we would only try, we can still be flirty with our original partners. Instead of looking away, why not try to look toward our partners for our needs? Trying to re-romanticize the whole relationship may make it work the second time around. Think back to what turned us on when we first met them. Doing so can help us re-awaken dying embers. Perhaps this should be a basic rule in loving someone: Never forget why we fell in love with him/her in the first place.
For starters, flirt with the real partner. Try to blow them a kiss that nobody else sees, wink at them from across the room, hold hands, tickle their sides and pinch their cheeks every now and then. Let us do our parts to keep the relationship alive.
If only we will start to focus on things that our partners possess rather than on things they lack, we may realize that what we had with partner number two may just be a diversion of love, not love itself.
If all else fails and if the relationship was not meant to be, you will at least know that you really did your best. Plus you will learn lessons that can help you build a better connection with a new partner, the one that you truly deserve.
